Feminist Rant #147 of 89,403,287

I realized last week that I don't have a lunch break unless I physically leave the building with my friends, and that made me upset. Then I got angry, then I got embarrassed about overreacting, then I ate lunch, and now I'm practically wanting to write a book about it. I have no doubt that women at every level of employment from personal assistant to CEO are tasked with being the office mom on top of the their official responsibilities, and that it is seen as only appropriate since the men in those same offices just "wouldn't be good at it." Few men have a trained listening ear or the eye for a good gift, and so apparently it is my freelance job to babysit coworkers during my scheduled and unpaid "me" time.

My number one issue is planning all of the office parties. It is literally not in my job description. If included in my contractual agreement was an obligation to "foster community" or "ensure that every superior has a fancy cake for his birthday" then I would gladly be baker, deliveryman, and financier every single month. I would accept it as part of my job and a necessary evil, and then I would move on.

However, not only is it not my job (I checked), but I doubt that it would be expected of a male manager and apparently I don't have a right to not want to do it. I've field tested complaints to a few coworkers and the general response is a resounding "I totally understand not wanting to pay for it out of your own money, but are you also saying that you don't want to do it AT ALL?" What if I said NO, I don't? That shouldn't automatically mean that I don't like my coworkers or that I'm displacing bitter feelings about my job onto undeserving birthday guys and girls. It simply means that I am exercising my right to be a normal person untethered to any gendered responsibility to wait on people hand and foot. I deserve to be allowed to make that choice for myself, and I don't appreciate being characterized as a boor for not wanting to be a pro bono personal assistant. When it's someone else's birthday, every other member of this office just drops by and signs a card, maybe contributes a couple dollars, and then goes about their merry day. They don't order the cake two days in advance. Or pick out the card. Or front the cash. Or organize and motiveate the troops. Or hound the free-riders. Or set up the decorations. Or pick up the cake. Or bike with the cake balanced delicately in one hand to the bus stop . Or ride the bus with it sitting next to them.

Nor do they have to plan their own birthday parties!