Browser Beware

Hello!

I guess it's my turn to post here since I haven't written anything in a while and since I've been doing a TERRIBLE JOB of calling everyone back.

To be honest my brain is a little overwhelmed right now thanks to grad school applications, re-taking the GRE, work, and occasionally men and how they appear normal until their true evil is revealed through--or perhaps magnified by--the internet. I feel at once absorbed and infuriated by the process of dating, especially online. I would write about it in terms of pros and cons, but the "pros" side would be hellishly short and halfhearted and my high school English teacher taught me that one-item bullet lists are stupid...

The benefits would read something like:

1. You get to meet new people.

Whereas the "cons" would explode the screen with rage, screaming:

1. Chivalry is alive and kicking. Hard.
If you don't want the traditional male-female courtship then maybe you should stay at home with your cats and your cauldron. When I like someone I can tell them in plain English. I know it's surprising but I do have that kind of agency. Yet, apparently it's off-putting that I actually want to participate in the game and not just be participated-on like a petulant child. What if I don't want to just wink (the Match.com equivalent of poking) and hope that he gets the point? What if I want to initiate conversation or send the first email? Well the adult world has a name for my particular kind of sassy: it calls it "desperate."

2. Racial preferences are the new black.
Who you date is a personal choice. And if you don't want your kids to look ethnic, then that is your right as an independent human being. I cannot--nor would I want to--make you like me if you don't find me attractive naturally. But in a country that has endured centuries of racial injustice and intolerance, reading that someone will date anyone BUT Black women cuts deeper than simple rejection. You are not allergic to dark skin; it will not kill you to go out to dinner with it accidentally. I don't want to date racist people anyway, but I cannot help but wonder what each closed-minded white boy thinks he might get if he dates me. Will I embarrass him by cussing out the waiter at his favorite sushi restaurant? Will I wear my press-on nails when I meet his mother? Or maybe the more hurtful reality is that my darker skin is just ugly to some people? The solution to this puzzle is actually quite easy. Don't list your racial preferences like items on a grocery list. Date as specifically as you want, but please keep your Top 20 to yourself before they fuck around and hurt someone.

3. Men block their profiles like it's their job.
Not just so they can view your profile anonymously but even after they've contacted you. So what is this, you get to know my favorite band and what I'm reading but all I know about you is what I can charm from your screen name? If I wanted to date an elusive silhouette then I would be on an entirely different kind of site. I am not so desperate that your interest alone is all I need to get by.

4. Darling, learn how to say "no thank you" in a compassionate way.
Just because the website is equipped with a nifty "I'm not interested" auto-reply doesn't mean it's okay to use it like a panic button. On the other side of that glowing screen in your bedroom late at night is a person who has feelings and who deserves to be let down gently--or at least directly.

I will stop there. I know that I say this about virtually everything gender-related, but I could write a whole dissertation on this new culture of "distance dating" and how it reduces women to mannequins. Needless to say, I canceled my subscription. Perhaps if these things change I will give online dating another try. Thoughts?

*manda